NICU Week 11-14 The Last Mile

NICU Week 11-14 The Last Mile

To be honest with all of you, the last four weeks of this journey were long and very short at the same time. It felt like our world went on for eternities but somehow we would find ourselves near the end of it time and time again. Like a marathon.

Lilly was growing so fast! She was gaining weight and hitting those regular developmental milestones quite fast. This seem to worry the doctors more than please them. They were noticing that Lilly was beginning to outgrow the NICU but there was something holding her back.

Spencer and I could NOT have seen this coming even if we tried. We had the idea that for some reason the NICU was the place for her to be “fixed”, and we were so wrong. Lilly reminded everyone in her care team that the neonatal intensive care unit could also be just a part of your treatment and not the entire process.

After many tests and therapy sessions, she was diagnosed with dysphagia and would need special care whenever she needed to eat. Technically, dysphagia is the inability to swallow without chocking. This means that her “feeds” had to be thickened in order for her to be able to eat safely. That also meant that breastfeeding was out of the question since breastmilk is so thin; thinner than water.

I was devastated. I always intended to breastfeed, especially since I was lucky enought to be blessed with an amazing milk supply. Pumping became my new religion.

Lilly’s feeding tube was also a topic for conversation and brainstorming on the provider’s part. They knew that she would have to go home with suplemental feeding and that the NICU was not very fond of sending babies home with anything but a “G Tube”, which is a surgically placed tube straight to the belly. Now, there are lots of other ideas that preceded the long feared G Tube, but the NICU providers were not very hopeful.

With the help of our great Speech team, who advocated perfectly for our little one, the neonatologists came to the conclusion that she was a good candidate to be discharged with an NG tube as long as she was seen outpatient by the same speech pathologists. Luckly, my husband and I have enough experience with medical matters and we felt so very comfortable taking care of her at home.

Lilly was discharged Nov 5th with a feeding tube that she had to use for only two weeks after she got home. With the help of her amazing speech team, her GI team, and the sweat and tears of her parents, she no longer needed her feeding tube and she graduated from therapy!!!!

NICU/ICN Week 9

NICU/ICN Week 9

This week we found out that our daughter had a low red blood cell count and needed some iron to help. This was kind of good news… here is what I mean by that.

Lilly has been very sleepy and lethargic. This makes it hard for her to actually work on feedings and learning how to eat like a newborn. In order for her to eat, she has to be awake/alert. Spencer and I were worried and communicated this to her doctors during rounds last week.

The doctors told us that it was very normal for her to be this sleepy given she was a preemie and “we are asking so much of them already” as the doctor put it. My motherly instinct told me that something else was happening and that we should ask again with more persistance.

The doctors decided to do a full blood panel and they found out that she had a low count which I believe came from me. I am anemic. Regardless, now we know what the problem is and how to fix it! Which brings me to our next achievement.

2 months old!

Lilly has been waking up a little bit more, enough to work on breastfeeding and bottle feeding! On Tuesday she tried breastfeeding and she was latched the entire time and she got milk! So she didn’t have to get any milk through her tube!

Today when Spencer and I arrived at her 11 am care, we found the nurse feeding her through the bottle and she was almost done! Spencer took over and Lilly and papi worked together and she finished her feed! her feeding has become a bit more mature and she is pacing herself. No events either!

We are making very small progress, but it is progress indeed. Lilly also has been gaining weight and she has grown in size! 6lbs 12.5oz of deliciousness! She almost looks like a newborn now and we are very much in love!!

To other parents with babies in the NICU: This week we also brought in some items that we had at home ready for her. A pillow to prevent flat head syndrome, her personal bibs, her boppy for nursing, and her receiving blankets to act as linens for her hospital crib.  **YOU CAN MAKE THE NICU YOUR HOME AWAY FROM HOME ** This has helped us feel like home is wherever she is and not just a stationary place that seems so distant and unachieveable.

YOU GOT THIS! Its not easy, but then again, nothing that is worthwhile is easy to build or find.

Our view from Lilly’s room.
Transitioning to the ICN-Week 8

Transitioning to the ICN-Week 8

Everyday before leaving for the night, Spencer and I would sing this song to Lilly…

” You are our sunshine, our only sunshine.

You make us happy, when skies are gray.

You’ll never know Lilly, how much we love you,

Please don’t take our sunshine away “

Then we would give her a kiss and head out with a heavy heart to our hotel room. At first this was sad and frustrating, but then it became comforting. We had a routine, some sort of structure. well… Lilly had different plans.

The nurse taking care of her a couple of days ago, called us to let us know that Lilly was considered stable enough to be transitioned over to the Intermediate Care Nursery. The what?! Believe me you when I tell you that I didn’t know either. I thought the NICU was the only thing this hospital offered. I am happy I was wrong.

Spencer and I rushed over in the morning to see our little bug and we got a tour of the unit where Lilly was going to be at. “This is the unit where we have the healthiest babies that are closer to going home” said our nurse. We were so very excited to hear those words. We helped the nurse pack the room and we brought her over to her new little corner!

Leaving her room in the NICU
Her new spot at the ICN

This week she gained weight and hit the 6lbs mark! She also got longer at 46 cm and her long beautiful eyelashes are coming in. She looks like a doll. At the same time, Lilly is struggling with learning how to eat without any sort of events ( meaning she chokes on her milk and she desats and has bradycardia), which makes it a little bit hard for her to go home.

Sometimes it can be hurtful and discouraging when people ask us the dreaded questions “When is she coming home? is she home already? do you guys know when she will be coming home yet?”. As much as you think you want her to go home, believe us that we do even more. Our hearts ache when we walk in and see her there in her hospital crib just working so hard on the simplest of things, knowing full well that it might be a while before we get to snuggle her up in the comfort of our own home.

We are very thankful though, for everyone’s well wishes and the love and support we see everyday from people that have never even met our little one, but love us enough to love her too. We are beyond blessed for having you in our lives.

Wonnacott Photography
NICU Week 7

NICU Week 7

This week was full of changes as well as the previous one. We were able to see Lilly’s development increase as she opens her eyes a little bit more and she starts cuing whenever its time to eat.

This week was also birthday week for this mom right here! Celebrating at the NICU was not at all my plan for this year, but then again, 2020 has had a mind of it’s own.

I got to spend the whole day with my baby girl and cuddle her up as much as I could! In the morning we had an amazing breastfeeding session which made me so happy! It was a wonderful gift from Lilly. Then my hubby surprised me with a visit from one of my best friends Samri! She flew all the way from Idaho to spend a couple of hours with me. She is an amazing photographer and we did an surprise photo shoot capturing that day. Spencer then took me to a nice steak dinner that evening and we had so much fun!

Lilly was introduced to her first bottle and she hated it at first, then tolerated it after. She is definitely a breastfeeding baby. We are still using the newborn diapers and working on a developing diaper rash. After speaking to her doctor and letting them know our concerns about her grunting and bearing down, her feeds now are breast milk only and we have left the fortification behind! This means that she is no longer super fussy and she can digest what she is eating a little bit better.

Next week we will be focusing on having steady vital signs and feeding. The nurses and pretty much anyone you meet at the NICU will tell you that learning to eat is the hardest part for any baby and their parents. Babies will be able to breathe, and regulate their temperature with a little help, but eating is something they have to figure out themselves. This means that they might pick it up quick or take a long while.

During this waiting period, the parents lose their minds. There is nothing we can do besides being present and encouraging your little one. Everything else is up to them, and once they eat without a problem, they will be able to go home.

NICU Week 6

NICU Week 6

This past week started so very slow! Every minute in her hospital room seemed to stretch an hour long. She began with her CPAP going down and she started to be become more alert! Her eyes opened here and there, and she would react more to different sounds throughout the room.

Towards the end of this week, Lilly developed very fast. She gained weight and maintained her feeds through her OG tube (a tube that goes to her tummy and enters through her mouth). She is weighing 5lbs 7oz and she is now 17 in tall! She got rid of her CPAP and she graduated to regualr NEWBORN diapers!!

No more canula!

Here is a secret truth I learned as a NICU mom that will make you feel more confident and motherly as time passes by:

YOU ARE YOUR CHILD’S ADVOCATE. YOU ARE MOM. YOU ARE A SUPER HERO. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOUR VOICE MATTERS!

Towards the end of this week, many wonderful changes happened to both Lilly and me, and the truth I just told you seemed very hard to believe. Here’s why…

Lilly started to breathe more on her own than without the help of any machine, so the doctor decided to take her off of her CPAP and she graduated to a canula (the plastic oxygen prongs that go into your nose) with room air. Those were wonderful news, right??? Well, my husband and I didn’t get to find out until we walked into the room and saw it ourselves.

You see, the NICU is a type of Intersive Care Unit and they have so many sick kiddos that they only really call parents when there is something wrong. As they like to put it “If I don’t call you, thats is a good thing”. The trudht of the matter is that MOST parents would like to know when something good is going to happen too! Secially when it is such a big step for our little one. We were a little upset.  This was not the first time we had come to her room to find out something big had happened and no one told us or mentioned it.

Being in the NICU sometimes makes you feel as if your baby wasn’t yours and you have no right to touch, speak, or even feel motherly towards YOUR baby. So if you are a parent that has ever felt this way, please go back and read the captioned sentence above over and over and over.

No matter what, we are so very proud of our baby girl.

Today she graduated out of her canula and her OG tube. No more barriers to brestfeed! She has an NG tube ( goes in through her nose and into her tummy) for feeds when she can’t take the breast. She passed her hearing test and she can finally get a good hold of her binky! Some of these achevements happened because she is a warrior, and some happened because her mami and papi spoke up for her when she needed it regardles of how insignificant and disconnected they felt.

Breastfeeding for the first time