This was been a very rewarding week!

Our little Lilly did have some setbacks. She is still developing her little lungs and learning to breathe. Her breaths used to be so very fast, and they are finally going down and normalizing.

Besides her breathing, she has started to gain some weight and she is tolerating her feed a little more than before. We are hoping that she can regulate her body temperature as well which would mean her transitioning to a crib instead of being in the incubator.

She has developed such an interesting personality. Like any other baby, she shows signs of being upset when she has a dirty diaper, and has crazy legs when we are trying to change her.

Some of the other firsts that melted our hearts was the time at the end of the week where she started to use a tiny pacifier. My husband and I could not believe how big she looked compared to her first week!

It is still very weird to think that we have a baby. Unlike other parents, we don’t get to be with our baby every single day. After her visits, we go home and rest, but we go home without her. It seems like we are just borrowing the idea of being parents instead of actually being mom and dad.

Although I know that we are indeed parents to a perfect little angel, it is hard to shake the feeling of not belonging to that group. The group that gets to learn to become parents on the fly and by survival. The ones that connect to their baby right away. I hope that other NICU parents know that I feel it too. I am with you on this, and I don’t think I can fix the pain, but I can share it.